Know a Guy

“Consider again that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every “supreme leader”, every “superstar,” every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there-on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.

Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot.

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. It underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the only home we’ve ever known, the pale blue dot”

–Carl Sagan

Best Served Fresh

Yesterday was Independence Day here in the United States.  It is the day that we celebrate the birthday of America and what we affectionately refer to as the 4th of July.

Though none of us were around to experience those early years of our country, there have been many books written to recount the proceedings that took place and capture information from documents and letters that were circulated during that time.  The events that led to our independence happened over 200 years ago, but they are still touching our lives to this very day!

We may have a tendency to think that the founders of our country had it pretty easy – that they were all outstanding individuals who had wealth, possessions, power and prestige.  After all, in the early days of our country, things were much smaller and under better control.  The government was able to be run more efficiently because it was in the hands of people who were highly committed to the success of this new endeavor called America. continue reading…

Thanks Derek for this one

One day my mummy was out and my daddy was in charge of me.

I was about 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.

Someone had given me a little tea set as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news so I brought Daddy a little cup of tea, which was just water.  After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mummy came home.

My Daddy made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was just the cutest thing!  My Mummy waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says (as only a mother would know),

‘Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet’?

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Next, take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Examples: continue reading…